That Late Night Bug ...
I'm sitting at my computer in my underwear. Don't worry, I'm wearing a shirt, but still, I'm sitting here in my underwear. Yes, you're welcome for that image. Now, since I didn't describe said underwear you're probably conjuring up some pretty interesting choices for me aren't you? Well, allow me to ask one thing, whatever type of underwear you are now picturing me wearing (because, yes, I am sitting here in my underwear right now) please make it Family Guy. Thank you. On with the show ...
It's only 11:42 pm and I'm considering this a late hour. Sheesh, what a different a year makes. Still, I'm not used to being as alert as I am right now during this particular hour. In fact, I had expected to be fast asleep this evening considering the trouble I've had sleeping every night before this. Yet, here I am, energized. I have thoughts and dreams and stuff coursing through my body right now that prevents me from sleeping. But, I'm okay with that. It's a good reason to not be able to sleep. Besides, I'll just catch up on my sleep during work tomorrow. I'm so not kidding.
Come August, it will have been 1 year since I was laid off from LowerMyBills.com. Quite a bit has changed since then, but none more surprising than what I'm going to share with you now. I don't want to keep my job. Now hold on, let me explain. This means you mom, calm down. You see, I spent 4 years at LowerMyBills, and where did it get me? Exactly. Professionally, nowhere. Personally, well, it's safe to say that it changed my life forever in some very awesome ways. Still, I gave all I had to that company thinking that it would count for something. Always working, striving, and doing what I could above and beyond what was asked of me. And where did it get me?
Being out of work for nearly 8 months really made me grateful to finally get this job that I have now. So much in fact that I fell into the exact same habits and routine that I developed at LowerMyBills. I felt myself heading down that path again, but I didn't try to stop it. I was just telling myself, this time it will be different. That was, until my roommate hit me with the following question one random night, "so, what is your next step to being happy?"
Wow. There was more to it, stuff was said before that about his situation and the dreams and ambitions we both had months and years prior. But, it was the first time since being laid off that I felt like it was okay to think about myself being happy again. I just accepted the fact that I had this new job and therefore should be happy. And, well, I was, sort of. I was happy to be getting a paycheck, to be able to be around people, and to feel like I was once again contributing something. Yet - he was referring to a different happiness.
The happiness he referred to was the kind I get when I talk to my friends and family about movies, and tv shows. When we discuss certain actors, or stories, or upcoming projects. When my friends and I go back and forth on what sounds like a good script idea. That kind of happy is not what I am feeling right now. But, since that night, it's been weighing on my mind. Now, slowly but surely I have started to distance myself from my job. Not to the point that I am going to quit or get fired, but only in the sense that I will NOT make it my career or my focus for the next four years. It may be my means of income for that long - but it is not my passion.
That is what I meant by not wanting to keep my job. I want to reach the point where I can quit and focus on something that makes me happy. Of course, a hundred million things have to fall into place and go right before that can happen, but I think it's important for me to get this out there. To commit to history that I am vowing not to be sucked into this corporate sand trap yet again.